it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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