made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
