Tell her she can't have a vagina
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
