Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
where are my eyebrows?
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