After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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