Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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