Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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