its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
