Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
