you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
