Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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