All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize