It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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