beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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