My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
