last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can't turn off my feet"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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