Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
