can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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