i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
