she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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