He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize