Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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