Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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