Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
