I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
