what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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