my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
