So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
