Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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