I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
A+ Viking dick
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
