Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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