Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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