A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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