If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I think people are normalizing furries
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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