one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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