I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
