Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
