its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
