Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize