so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize