It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
