Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
