pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
