oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
