I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
