Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
