Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
