I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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