one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
