making cat noises will not fix the situation.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
