Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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