i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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