speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
