We got so high we made milksteak
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
