So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my being single is dangerous.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Two words: nipple clamps
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