All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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