I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
