the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize