U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
