Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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