i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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