the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
