never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
