so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
