just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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