No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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