elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
