WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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