so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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