So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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