Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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