I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
