I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
