and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize