This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
