I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
