some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up under a house in Key West
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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