i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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