And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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