I am puke
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
