The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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